Last Friday morning I awaited the arrival of three new volunteers, eager to help out at my ranch. I care for 25 horses, many of whom are retired. Having a staff of volunteer help willing to muck, groom and tidy up sounds likes a necessary and handy offer. So why do I have so much resistance to the idea?
I’m a self-confessed, do it myself, “quasi hermit” living with my menagerie often preferring the sound of the wind rather than conversation.
My business coach has been after me for months to change my perspective on this subject and logically embrace that growing a business requires help. Finally, I succumbed.
Why then am I marching around the horse barn uttering the words, “this is exactly why I didn’t want to have to start managing a staff?”
Because today I am also awaiting the arrival of my vet called that morning to put down one of my beloved retirement horses.
EPM, is a devastating neurological disorder that attacks the spinal column. Bruno is presenting all the classic symptoms.
Bruno is 30 something. Winter is coming and my vet, Bruno’s owner and myself feel we cannot put this horse through a painful process of treatments at his age and under these circumstances.
I feel pressure as I think about my new volunteers and picture welcoming them to the ranch with my opening remarks, “Good morning, welcome to your first day at the ranch. We are now going to euthanize a horse.”
I want to say goodbye to my sweet horse in private, without interruption and questions about where the rake is and how to turn off the barn lights.
So I’m mad- I feel tightness in my jaw, a big knot in my stomach and a sour mood-taking root.
Just then I look out into the horse paddock and catch sight of my mare Sage. Sage is pinning her ears and running around with an ugly snake face, baring her teeth and pushing the other horses all over the place.
“Ummm, my energy is in the space”, I thought.
So I stop, re-center myself and ask the question, “what new perspective can I bring forward to produce the outcome I desire today?”
My volunteers arrive, I explain softly and deliberately that living on land and with animals is neither romantic nor sympathetic.
I tell them about Bruno and offer them a chance to leave if it doesn’t feel Ok to stay. They all opt to stay.
Natalie slips a rose quartz crystal my pocket and offers to brush Bruno before the vet comes. All three women want to go and meet him and upon doing so, offer their prayers and love. Elsie, whose mom has recently past away, delivers profound words of wisdom that reinforces my intuition that it’s Bruno’s time to go. Debra gives me a hug and whispers, “you did so much for him, he is a lucky horse.”
Finally, the vet arrives and confirms what we already know….and we say our final farewell to sweet Bruno.
We stand together, a newly formed herd comprised of wise women.
I feel deep appreciation and trust, feelings that often take me a long time to develop with people.
As the sun sinks, I said goodbye to Nat, Deb and Elsie. I welcomed in a new perspective shaped from a difficult day, inspired by honoring a brilliant and noble horse named Bruno… now running free with his spirit herd.
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